May 10, 2015

Non-Traditional Mothers' Day

Happy Mother's Day, from the bottom of my heart.
To my mom, to the moms in my family, to the moms I'm friends with.
You know how blessed you are to have your kids, and that's one of the reasons in itself that your kids are blessed to have you.

Please post pictures of your handmade, glitter-covered cards, 'check in' from restaurants you're at, and tell the world how much better your life is for having your kids.

Please understand why I won't be hitting "like".
Why I may not even read the posts at all; may scroll right past the pictures.
Understand that it is how I have to take care of myself right now, and not my way of making you feel guilty or casting a shadow on your celebration.
If I didn't think those things were worth celebrating, I wouldn't be working so hard to have them in my own life.

Understand that I am already living much as a mother: getting up at crazy hours to get to daily appointments, stressing over how to balance work obligations with my family priorities, and thinking every day about my someday - children's welfare (not to mention existence). I even endure physical aspects, but instead of labor pains and a strained back mine are injections, anesthesia, surgery, vaginal ultrasounds (which are not exactly as "non - invasive" to me as a woman as medicine wants to label them), body - wide side effects of hormones, and exercise limitations.
And yes, not unlike children themselves, infertility can totally screw up your sex life in ways you may have never imagined. For people like me, it is not in any way "the best part of making a baby".

Understand that in my journey, I am still hopeful.
If I wasn't, I wouldn't be continuing to go through the things I do.

Understand also that for many women, THAT BABY WILL NEVER BE.
IVF doesn't always work, even adoption isn't always possible or may be an option some people do not want to take.
Understand that childfree is a choice for many, a default for some, and that I am quite reasonable in my fears of it happening to me.

Understand that telling us "it'll happen someday" is not helpful; "I love you" is; "I'm sorry" is; "I pray for your happiness" is.

And if you are so inclined, share my post as I have shared the posts from my friends who are also non - traditional moms on Facebook today.  Use the social media network of your choice.

My post is complete with pictures for my lost baby- the ultrasound of my daughter Grace when she lived so briefly within my womb, and where she now lives represented by a mustard seed tattoo and eternally in my heart.

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