I wrote this a few years ago, when I started UII and my own awareness efforts. I'm not a very good creative writer so be warned this isn't a stunning poetic expression of my world that will instantly and miraculously put it into perspective, but it does get my point across. And if you like the message in this, wait 'till you see my post coming up, a flashback to 2007.
Then You Would Know
(c.2006, 5 years after diagnosis)
How could you know?
If you heard the sounds of my knees – snap snap!
Like a thick twig that is crunched and cracked,
If you felt how I shake, violent convulsions from cold
When others rejoice for the break in the heat,
If you knew how I longed for days when I was like them
Fighting to go out with no jacket and play in the leaves,
Then you would know.
If your mind raced like mine to learn to adjust
To find ways to do what should be without thought,
If your heart spun like mine to try to accept
To understand why and to try to make sense,
If your head always hurt from the constant question
Of how to decide where limitations lie,
Then you would know.
If you worried like I worry about how you’ll do
The basic things in life that make it worthwhile,
If you were frustrated like I am
Over how to make people look past the apparent,
If you struggled like I do
To accomplish something that wasn’t “in spite of”,
Then you would know.
If you were constantly learning
But what you learned was another “can’t”,
If you secretly doubted what was always a given
Because of what you are no longer,
If you didn’t know how
And only knew that you must,
Then you would know.
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